- I, however, view myself as a creator and an inspiration hunter. - My name is Amanda, and I am always looking to inspire and be inspired.
Its honestly kind of hard being back home after living on my own… I’m very grateful for the help my parents give me, but i’m not pleased with the lack of freedom. I’m also very frustrated with the way my dad talks to me. We dont have adult conversations, I try to talk to him in a “grown up” manner, but he shoots me down and talks to me like i’m a child. Its EXTREMELY frustrating. If my mom’s around, she’ll confront him (because when I do, he wont listen to me)… but when she’s gone, he lets words explode from his ass. That’s probably the reason I sleep at my boyfriend’s place lots, because because around my dad completely ruins my mood. I feel kind of bad, because I WANT to get along with him… I WANT a good relationship with him, and he does love me… its just that he ruins my energy. It takes a lot of self control for me to not rage at him sometimes. I just wish I had my own place again. I wouldnt do it like last time (supporting two people and three cats on min. wage is not easy), and now I know what to expect. But i’m stuck at home until i’m done school, WHICH IS IN ANOTHER THREE YEARS UGH GAG ME.
I want to move out so bad, but if I do, my parents wont help me with tuition and i’d be banished from my family (those were my dads exact words.)
Ugh. To be an adult trapped in a child’s life.
DESIGN DESIGN DESIGN DESIGN.
I need to start preparing though…. My creative juices have FLOPPED these past few months… so, i’m going to set out today, buy an art book that I can keep in my bag, and go back to the person I used to be… when I would draw ALL the time, anything and everything.
I need to re-spark my creative juices.
1) take a shower
2) put laundry
3) make cookies
4) Gas/Timmies/Art store
+ Today I pick up my desgin school application portfolio… I find out if I got in or not. I’m nervous…. I have a REALLY strong feeling that I got in (all of my university design profs told me I am a strong designer)… I’m just worried about how picky they are… I threw in two “questionable” pieces… they’re some of my best works… but one is purely digital and one focuses on rape.
+ My bf’s family has me HOOKED on Catan… BEST BOARD GAME EVER. it is ridiculously fun. Ash is making a wooden version of it, so i’m going to do the art part.
+ Its bully awareness day… I dont have much pink, but i’m going to try. I SHOULD DYE MY HAIR PURPLE TODAY YAH! THERES TOO MUCH TO DO. I should get off tumblr.
+ Momma put me in charge of supper… I havent cooked supper since I was living on my own, so this could get interesting. I like to experiment.